| revived?! |
[Jan. 7th, 2007|10:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | pillowed chair | ] |
| [ | feeling so |
| |  after jan6's drink | ] |
| [ | shatters the eardrums with |
| | Tokyo Jihen - Toumei Ningen | ] |
waaaaaaaaaaaaaah~ it's been a long time since i've last posted here >.<
nyu~~ my net is royally effed up~! and i think it's due to that stupid quake-thingy in taiwan /pif
i'm going to the pyrolympics by jan13 huweeeee~ :3
*rolls out [as in gumugulong]*
daan ka d2 o >> http://satoshikagemaro.deviantart.com |
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|
| before sleeping |
[Sep. 26th, 2006|02:30 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | the chair of course | ] |
| [ | feeling so |
| |  it's 2:30am | ] |
| [ | shatters the eardrums with |
| | Face by Beck | ] |
uwoooooooh!!
Mongolian Chop Squad: Beck! ROCKS! \m/ ^_^ \m/
doing the rerun :D
now to sleep. episode 3 is done for the day :D |
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| takatakatak |
[Sep. 22nd, 2006|12:05 pm] |
mugged from nica-sama /gg
| You Are 58% Evil | 
You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side.
Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination. |
aarrrggg! lethargic! ugh!
sana may lakad na ule! ~_~
miss ko na mga lakad natin TT_TT |
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| dormancy |
[Sep. 9th, 2006|04:30 pm] |
muhehehe... stolen title from jemi-sama >< [eeekkk!! pahiram lang ng title ><]
maybe i'll be posting again here some time ><
dormant as ice at LJ ><
busy as hell in dA ><
check out me dA >>> http://satoshikagemaro.deviantart.com [comments and visits are very much appreciated :D
*i know you know but i damn hate you for pretending you do not >:( |
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| Stolenn!! -Quiz- |
[Sep. 7th, 2006|08:05 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | in the unupholsthered chair | ] |
| [ | feeling so |
| |  raarrgg! | ] |
| [ | shatters the eardrums with |
| | The Ghost of You by My Chemical Romance | ] |
| Your Deadly Sins | | Sloth: 60% | | Envy: 40% | | Wrath: 40% | | Greed: 20% | | Gluttony: 0% | | Lust: 0% | | Pride: 0% | | Chance You'll Go to Hell: 23% |
what fun! >< tinanggal ko na ung comment. >:)
and right now i am angry and envious. rraaaarrrgg!! oh wrath! you make feel... ALIVE! >:) |
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| and i thought i was okay |
[Aug. 6th, 2006|09:33 pm] |
i tried being busy with a hobby, drawing that is. and i really am very busy with it. it takes most of my time. sometimes hours at a time. it's fun. makes me do something and takes my boredom. though i am busy i still look at my phone expectantly for some hint that you are still around.
tap me on my back..
tell me you're still alive..
i am bound.. |
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| activities and inactivities |
[Aug. 4th, 2006|12:41 am] |
filipino naman. ubos na ata english ko >_<
wala lang. inept ung title >.<
busy sa DA ngayon. ang saya magfractals :D
saya magfractals pero nasty ung render time [umaabot ng 40-50minutes ~_~]
wah sakit na ng mata ko >.< gs2 ko na matulog. >.<
inaantok na ako. >.<
d ko na alam kung san ako lulugar. nalito ako bigla >.< anyways, oras na para matulog. kita na lang tayo bukas. sana makabangga kita sa daan >_ |
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| let me impart a song |
[Jul. 26th, 2006|05:05 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | in clefts and notes | ] |
| [ | feeling so |
| | bored like hell | ] |
| [ | shatters the eardrums with |
| | Maniwala Ka Sana by Parokya ni Edgar | ] |
this song, i think is very apt...
nung una kitang makilala di man lang kita napuna,
di ka naman kasi ganoon kaganda, di ba?
simpleng kabatak, simpleng kabarkada lamang ang tingin ko sa 'yo.
di ko talaga alam kung bakit ako nagkakaganito!
ako'y napaisip at biglang napatingin,
di ko malaman kung anong dapat gawin!
dahan- dahan nag- iba ang pagtingin ko sa 'yo,
gumanda ka bigla at ang mga kilos mo'y nakakapanibago!
napansin ko na lamang na nalalaglag ang aking puso.
badtrip talaga! na- i- in lab ako sa 'yo!
tuwing kita'y nakikita ako ay napapangiti,
para bang gusto kong halikan ang iyong mga pisngi!
minamahal kita! ba't di ka maniwala?!
anong kailangan kong gawin upang seryosohin mo
ang aking sinasabi tungkol sa pag- ibig ko sa 'yo?
maniwala ka sana, minamahal kita!
nasira na yata ang ulo ko, kaiisip ko sa 'yo
kahit saan tumingin ay mukha mo ang nakikita ko!
pero bakit para kang naiilang, ako ay iyong iniiwasan?
ako'y nahihirapan, wala namang ganyanan!
pakiramdam ko ngayon ako ay nagmumukhang gago!
ngayon ako'y nagsisisi kung bakit ako nag "i love you"!!!
kasi di na tayo tulad ng dati
ngayon sa akin ay diring- dire!
minamahal kita! ba't di ka maniwala?!
anong kailangan kong gawin upang seryosohin mo
ang aking sinasabi tungkol sa pag- ibig ko sa 'yo?
maniwala ka sana, minamahal kita!
pffftttt... i'm wallowing in loneliness... |
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| wash away my pain... fall on me... rain... |
[Jul. 25th, 2006|04:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | in the middle of... | ] |
| [ | feeling so |
| |  due to rain [makes me sleepy] | ] |
| [ | shatters the eardrums with |
| | Rusty Nail by X-Japan | ] |
i was asked to sweep the fallen leaves on our backyard. i decided to bring the spare speakers and connect it to my mp3 player so i can enjoy something as i do this useless chore. as i started sweeping the leaves, rain suddenly starts pouring. i don't know. the rain didn't bother me. i don't particularly hate the rain. rain feels great, especially after a tiring day and the rain washes the heat. the coolness washes over you, an overall great feeling. i finished sweeping the leaves. i took a stool and sat on it while i let the cool raindrops pour over me while listening to my favorite genre[emo/screamo/post hardcore]. i let the water caress my face. the drops that fall near my eyes felt like tears. the rain is crying for me. it felt like the rain was sympathetic with me. it felt like the pain is being washed away. the rain felt like a friend. i let the rain fall on me for half an hour. then i decided to wash myself properly, sit on this delapidated chair and share you my feelings... |
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| the old scar burns |
[Jul. 25th, 2006|11:20 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | burning fires of hell | ] |
| [ | feeling so |
| | the flames were rekindled | ] |
| [ | shatters the eardrums with |
| | Ready Steady Go by L`Arc~en~Ciel | ] |
the tighter circle has rekindled the flames. fires that were wished to be extinguish. but the fires that was thought gone was something that is irrevocable. like a scar. healed and not bleeding but leaves a horrible mark across the skin, a tribute to a once painful cut.
i am sorry but right now, i can't stand even your name. i know it is malevolent but right now, i wish you only ill. forgive me. the fires are still razing the plains. the flashfire is still at rage. it'll be a long while before the fires are turned low.
[once an emo, always an emo] |
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| it's morning already you fool |
[Jul. 24th, 2006|02:28 am] |
i think i'll be relaxing for a bit and lay off my hands from emo-posts >_<
wah! july 22, 2006. a date to remember. sanction still has no absents from the guild EB's muhahahahaha!
watched pirates of the caribbean: dead man's chest. and boy it was good. though it left the spectators what will happen next, the movie was totally hilarious! capt. jack sparrow is still very funny as he was in the first movie [isn't that right? eh? savvy?] i won't be putting up spoilers here. some other people might be reading this that still wants to watch the movie. >_<
after the movie, we just stayed in the mall. the movie lasted until 4:10pm and we left the mall by... hmmm... say 12am? wahahaha! annihilation literally closed the mall >_<
after that, since the place i go home to is just too far away [by the way, i watched the movie at sm megamall and i'll be going home to bacoor, cavite] me and two other guildmates [won't be saying their names here, they might get in trouble if ever their parents got wind of this journal entry >_<] decided to sleep over... errr... spend the night over at their house.
no sleep for me. woot~ we decided to get our asses in gear by 8am. it was raining. good thing it wasn't much. we gave one of our guildmates a lift since the destination was just a short-way away from my guildmates house. we also got free lift to EDSA so me and my guildmate [the one we stayed over too] can go to our house.
we got here at 9am with plenty of time to spare. we decided to go to another guildmates house [a nearby one] at 10:30am so we get to eat free lunch there [i have a house damn it! why can't i stay there once in a while >_<]. nyahahaha!
by 1:30pm i decided to go home and get some shut eye. i got home by 2:00pm, took a little bath then slept. i slept for 5hours. >_<
i woke up on july 22, 2006 at 8:00am in the morning. slept at 2:00pm woke up by 7:00pm and still doing some useless things by 2:45am
what a day you have sir >_< get a sleep already will you! i bet your head is spinning already @_@
[still it was great. \m/_ ^_^ _\m/] |
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| evil rears its ugly head |
[Jul. 23rd, 2006|09:02 pm] |
standing there boldly.
with no regard with what's happening around.
doing what you will like some tyrant.
not minding others' feelings.
not minding what others might feel.
foolish one.
you think none will stand up against you?
you think everyone will lay down and kneel?
there will always be someone who will rise and strike back.
you think everyone is scared?
you think none will storm your front?
you think none will challenge you?
you think none will have the strength to persevere?
idiotic one.
get ready for eventhough it is hard.
eventhough odds are stacked against me.
eventhough the stakes are high.
i will fight...
v
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v
v
v
v
v
v
v
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v
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kase ansarap ng hipon at alimasag. >_< wah! kahit mangati kamay at dila ko aus lang. ^_^
waaaaaaah! ansarap naman kase! go away allergy! let me eat in peace! >_<
*first non-emo post ^_^* |
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| yet another EMO-post |
[Jul. 21st, 2006|10:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | between excitement and anxiety | ] |
| [ | feeling so |
| |  hmm.. what to do what to do? | ] |
| [ | shatters the eardrums with |
| | Congratulations, I Hate You by Alesana | ] |
*warning*
cheesy and emotional
let me express myself. let me release some tension inside.
i've been writting this journal entry while riding the bus home. seems this feeling is eating me from the inside let me do this while i am not doing anything else.
my main motivation in writting this stupid journal entry must have been the train ride i had with my friend [damn you! >_<] errrr... maybe it was also because 'te zyn wanted another post so here it goes. >_<
every train ride i took must always have some sort of emo conversation. usually it was he that gets to share more since my day was usually useless. but today was somewhat wierd so it was me who poured some soul out. god damn questions >_< makes my dam fail.
the conversation, god damn it, was quite serious. darn it, i didn't quite know what happened but still pouring out once in a while is kind of good. at least, for the first time, it was me sharing more. hehehe. give and take with the life stories eh?
i've been feeling really, really wierd these past few days. i won't go all out since "someone" might read this and everything might feel very awkward if this "someone" would get a hint here that would be pertaining to this "someone". well, maybe i'd go all out but who cares? well, here goes. i'm starting to feel more and more attached to this "someone". i've been always wanting to have a chat with this person. this "someone" really makes my day. every time i haven't had a chat with this "someone", i crave for a conversation with her, like a constant stomachache. i'm really quite glad with the kind of relationship we have for the time being. we are really close but i think any "closer" than that would be stepping inside a boiling pot of oil. very, very dangerous. i also have this fear that if ever i say something "very, very stupid" she might walk away. [shivers, what a very scary imagination] it would be very unbearable for me since i've been very happy with your company. i did my best to keep it and i wouldn't be saying some "stupid ass words" just to shatter it.
i'd be staying by her side if she wants me too. even till forever if she wishes me to. i knew the time may never come for us to be any closer the this but if it makes you happy, i will keep this and be happy since what makes you happy makes me happy as well. if you fall for some other guy, if you still want me around, i'll be there. i would be a hypocrite if i'd be saying i'm all right. even if the pain will cut through me like cold blades, if it makes you happy, i'll bear the pain and cheer you on. he better not hurt you, sweet retribution will come swift and steadfast. let me state my final words in my mother tongue. i feel more emotion with my first language: "mahal na kita. hindi ko gusto ang masira ang pagkakaibigan natin dahil sa mga salitang ito. mas mahalaga sa akin na nasa tabi lang kita, kahit bilang kaibigan lamang. mahal na kita. kahit na mahulog ka sa iba, pipilitin kong ngumiti dahil alam kong masaya ka. basta masaya ka, kahit gaano kasakit, magiging masaya ako, kasi masaya ka."
sorry for being so UBER-CHEESY and EMOTIONAL.
*bows* |
|
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| I Hate You [But...] |
[Jul. 21st, 2006|06:52 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | middle of sleeping and waking | ] |
| [ | feeling so |
| |  due to new lenses | ] |
| [ | shatters the eardrums with |
| | Goodbye, Goodnight, for Good by Alesana | ] |
i've posted this thrice in the net [i think] friendster blogs, annihilation boards then here >< bear with me.
oh yeah, i think you better read the bold lines then the braced ones >< but i did them interlaced actually. bold or braced they rhyme
I Hate You
[But...]
I very much hate you
[I terribly love you]
Your prescence make me puke
[When you're here I turn to a fool]
I'll pull the trigger for this to end
[My hand is always out on extend]
So you'll have nobody else to bend
[I'll be with you to the bitter end]
You are detestable
[You are admirable]
I'll push you off the wall
[I hope you're below to break my fall]
I don't like you to come near
[I like you, so please be near]
Heed my warning: Do not come here
[Hear my prayer: Be mine my dear]
You make me sick
[You make me live]
You're an illness that makes me weak
[I do hope this isn't a trick]
I wish for your suffering
[I hope for your safety]
May Eris send you her tidings
[May you have God's blessing]
You are repulsive
[You are attractive]
You are the wolf in sheep's clothing
[You are the angel's accomplice]
Leave this world pretty please
[Do not leave me; I beg you this]
You are not someone I'll surely miss
[You're the only one I'll sorely miss]
I HATE you. So hear this
[I LOVE you! Listen to me please!]
Why do you torment me like this?
[Please do not hurt me like this]
Have you got a grudge? Something I did wrong?
[Is loving you wrong?]
Tell me so I can mend the fault
[Please tell me so I can right my faults]
You torture me, You make me suffer
[Maybe I should've told you sooner]
I should've gone to the police for a blatter
[I shouldn't have left this for later]
I am one of the chosen few
[I like you but importantly]
I hate you but...
[I love you. Please love me to]
< i don't know if you know who you are. but if you do, please do not hate me >_< >
*be making yet another emo-post >< i think this journal is for my emo-side >< 'te zyn would like to read more emo i think. be posting some more later 'te zyn >< |
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| it's wierd. is it? |
[Jul. 19th, 2006|09:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | can i be in your dreams? please? | ] |
| [ | feeling so |
| |  because you have not contacted | ] |
| [ | shatters the eardrums with |
| | Loop and Loops by Asian Kung Fu Generation | ] |
first and foremost, let me greet shobe-joanna for passing her board exams \m/_ ^_^ _\m/ niichan is proud of you
whenever you get so accustomed to something, it's really very hard to get away from it. much like a habit. take example about cracking knuckles. i know it's bad for the phalanges but i keep on doing it. whenever i remember, i try to stop. but 8 out of 10 times i forget it and i keep on cracking.
another example is smokers. smokers say that it is very hard to get smoking out of their systems. yeah, maybe they are right. but i think right motivation, hmmm... say, death? might desuade them from smoking. motivation might be the key to parting from habits. yet there are habituals that no motivation [as far as i know] is able to work against.
attachment is something every person have experienced in their lifetime. if one has not experienced it that person might some kind of a fungus suddenly sprouting from earth, not even parental love has blessed that inhuman soul of his/hers.
attachment to another person is really another basic human instinct. human needs [as far as i know, again] company with other humans. squall [in final fantasy viii] thinks that he doesn't need them. first he thinks that at first, he need no help. how very wrong he was... as the game progresses [if you have played it] he have made it through the game with some other people's help, eventhough he stubbornly states that he had survived without the others help. he had come far without the others help.
attachment. *sigh* whenever i have not heard from you. i find you. thank you because you answer my call. let me savor the moment together. for only life is eternal... one's lifetime is just ephemeral... |
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| read this god damn it! |
[Jul. 16th, 2006|09:26 pm] |
my first blatant emo-post
you're good... god damn it... i'd never knew i'd be like this... not now... not tomorrow... not in a million years... yet you did... with jusst a simple: "hello po"
you haven't even given me the chance to resist. it just an infinitesimal moment. the smile was magnetic. the eyes were hypnotic. the voice was captivating. the charm was anything but ordinary. i can't describe the words on what is happening to me yet it is very unlike me. i do not like this. ruins concentration. losing patience. gets the shivers. haunts my sleep. chokes my breathing. the thought of you sends butterflies in my stomach. i do not need such sentiments.
damn it... it has been a very long time since i have felt this much... i never thought that i'd be tormented with this kind of emotion once again... i thought i have left these nonsensical ideas in the distant past...
i am growing dependent. i needed assurances that you are still there. assurances that you have not left. assurances that i am not alone, again. i was a self-sufficient person. i wanted to hate you for changing me yet hating you would be like hating myself. i am not this. this is different. i wanted the old me yet thinking about the old me without a current piece would be going back voluntarily to an abyss: cold, and lonely.
god damn it... i am getting very emotional here. it's been a while since i've done this kind... just now you've knocked again... whenever i feel your presence i haven't got the strength to fight you back. you are asking me for help. resistance was futile. my anger falters... you did this to me. you better take the liabilities...
sorry for being so emotional, just need to release some steam |
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| women are complicated |
[Jul. 13th, 2006|12:55 pm] |
foreword:
i'm not a sexist. i respect women in every account. i like the company of women since they are very adept with sophisticated conversations. women also have the natural charm that captivates me. but in all these, there are points that i do not understand with the opposite specie.
i've never seen such complicated creature. if you are a man it is inevitable that you are going to be having an argument with one since the world is consisted with male and female specimen. opposites must attract, like north and south poles of a magnet. there are two things that i have obsereved than can get attracted between male and female. First is for the ability to attract its opposite. Female has the in-born ability to easily attract a male specimen. this ability is so widely known i will not elaborate.
another thing that can be attracted between the different poles of the gender is war. war between them is almost inescapable as the natural disasters. 80% [according to experience with my friends and their relationships] of the wars made were won by women. such an achievement for such fragile [but very very VERY complicated] creature.
women also have the in-born ability to be able to control men with their unbearable charm. when a man falls to "woman-charm" trap expect that man to be under control. like a yuri [mind control units in red alert 2 by westwood studios], women can make a man do anything she desires [handstand, headspin, tightrope walking, etc. (just kidding >_<)]
women are unbeatable in their natural syndrome. they tend to be insufferable whenever they undergo PMS [ask women about this during their PMS and you may get to receive a slap across your cheek]. i don't know why but they are very, and i mean VERY irritable during such times. if you have a girl in your house having such an unfateful syndrome, you better take your week off to some uncharted island and return when it is over. believe, i have a younger sister and whenever she is going through such horrible incidents i'd keep myself in my room rather than meet her along the corridor carrying a sledgehammer.
women also crave for equality. i have no objection with that. it's the right of every person since we are created equal. [i would like to shoot anyone who thinks that he/she is above everyone] but SOME women are so thickheaded that when they think of EQUAL they think they are ABOVE other species. take for example in a bus. when some stupid woman hauls her fat ass in a standing bus. she gets very irritable and starts ranting about not letting her seat. god damn it! she's not even an old ages woman or a paralytic yet she demands a seat. i would have suggested that she get her stupid ass moving to the bus terminal. i would have gladly given my seat to her but she pissed me off. i gave my seat to the kid girl that went in after her.
women are also very opaque [opposite of transparent. hehehe.]. seems like you need to know them for over two decades to be able to know one thoroughly. i have a childhood friend here and she's still as opaque as a block of wood. men on the other hand are easier [i think]. neesan is able to read me as a book with just the smallest of clues. [rrrrggg... i got caught with my secret... rrrrgggg]
in the next paragraph i don't know if this is correct but let me state it as well since i have experience with such.
women are also inept in receiving signals from the opposite gender. the men are already waving some flag across their faces and yet they seem to be unable to perceive anything or are they just plain ignoring. it gets even ridiculous when you tell them the obvious and they get shocked or even worse bewildered. ~_~ and you get weird expressions. grrrr... what a way to accept confessions. if things get even worse she goes away and makes an empty space. *sigh* makes you feel like everything you've build across the years were wasted by a single "eh?" from a girl.
complicated women... pif... wish they are less complicated... |
|
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| celtic horoscope [i am...] |
[Jul. 10th, 2006|11:38 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | hell. it's too hot here | ] |
| [ | feeling so |
| |  wondering where the breeze are | ] |
| [ | shatters the eardrums with |
| | Blue Train by Asian Kung Fu Generation | ] |
| You Are A Pine Tree | 
You love agreeable company, peace, and harmony.
Compassionate and friendly, you love to help others.
A natural poet, you have a very active imagination.
You are very soft on the inside - needing affection and reassurance.
You can fall in love deeply, but you will leave if you feel betrayed. |
You love agreeable company, peace, and harmony.
[i do need agreeable company. peace. harmony.]
Compassionate and friendly, you love to help others.
[very comapssionate, very friendly. i welcome everyone that needs company]
A natural poet, you have a very active imagination.
[poetic? maybe. i do poems. ^_^ but not much. >.<]
You are very soft on the inside - needing affection and reassurance.
[i am. looks tough. soft and fragile inside]
You can fall in love deeply, but you will leave if you feel betrayed.
[i fall very deep. i'll break if betrayed. will ask why, but won't leave. when i fall i am very forgiving to the person. how pathetic... allowing someone stabbing your back. but that's just how i love a person. i'm born a martyr. ~_~] |
|
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| Rescue Me... |
[Jul. 6th, 2006|03:46 pm] |
whenever i try to sleep, a face surfaces. allowing me to wallow in anguish for not being able to do anything. i twist and turn trying to rid the image but the features were burned in my mind's eye. those smiling eyes haunting my dreams. i want to stare into those eyes that were constantly depriving me of rest. my stomach squirms with butterflies whenever the thought sinks ever deeper. thinking that you were smiling, laughing, makes me wish i'd be able to see it. i wish to move closer, yet you might run away. you constantly pull me towards the edge. almost effortless you drag me. it's seems almost certain that i will be falling. please, rescue me, somebody, anybody...
A look,
A laugh,
A smile,
A second,
Passes by and I regret it,
Words just aren't right,
Sometimes I just can't explain,
All the ways you devastate me,
Always on my mind
I try but I'm not convincing,
Your lips they pout and twist and,
I die trying just to keep myself from kissing you,
You take in everything with a certainty I envy
It's somehow all I need just keep me guessing please.
~from The Tension and the Terror by Straylight Run |
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satoshikagemaro's journal
lufit ng Paramore e
with all the art
weeee! pasado c shobe ^_^
Beatiful in Blue in my head
with cold
due to sunburns